he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
