Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
