also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
