Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
