they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
