i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
