drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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