He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
