Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
