He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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