Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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