We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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