What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
