please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
