I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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