please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
