I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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