Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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