Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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