Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
