My nipple is on Facebook.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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