I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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