no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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