I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
