I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize