how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
