just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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