My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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