His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
