I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
