maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
