I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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