Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
