College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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