I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
