The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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