I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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