There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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