it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Less talking, more tequila
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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