Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Found your dick twin last night
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
