Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
