Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
