I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
