Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
as a side note pls kill me
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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