haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
