is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
