how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
