theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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