had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize