So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
