I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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