i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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