Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
