mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize