she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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