I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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