Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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