I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
