I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
