So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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