I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
