I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
