Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
