It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize