Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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