i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
