Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
