from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
