you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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