"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
