I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
