Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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