if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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