i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
