why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
