so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
