I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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