Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
